This is not
a eulogy for my mum or for Carolyn. It’s me pausing to ponder, ‘what do I know
about life and death? What do I believe? And who am I, who are we anyway?’
dissolves along with the body and what remains? And how can I prepare for the
transition today, while being ignorant of the time when my ticket expires, and
the last train leaves the station?
I do know. I’m alive. I’m here. I’ll never be here now again, not in this body,
with this name, this mind and history. That makes this time precious above all
riches; a commodity that is so rare that it is unique, a one-off, a chance in a
possible that there are many lifetimes behind me and many more to come, that my
higher self is aware of and coordinating nine incarnations at once, but I don’t
know these things. ‘Love’, as Paul wrote, ‘believes all things, endures
all things…’ and I do know love. And I do know that love connects us, protects us,
and survives all struggles as light passes through darkness, shines into
shadows and never knows they were there.
is like energy, something which cannot be created or destroyed, but which can
only be changed from one form to another. In this body, viewing the world
through these senses, we grab on to forms, to words, to labels and all too
easily lose the inner sense (innocence) of love.
is changing though.